Hello ALL people-who-are-spastic&random-like-Gene (:

LOL -.-

Anyway, last night talked to luke to all the way 3+am (:
YAYness!
I think it could stretch because we were like on the topic of debate, then my mum came into the room, caught me in action, asked me to put down the phone.

dam zzz lor.

like why cant i do wad i one? i know you are concerned but still, i know GENE is tiny BUT he is FIFTEEN , TEEEEEN eh ):

so bloody much control -.-

Anyway, SORRY LUKE! cut our conver! ):

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Alrighty my purpose for blogging today is i really want to blog whats on my mind.
so many things i know.
don't know how much GENE wants to reveal whats on his best but he'll try (:
cause its going to be emotional! :O

Well, first thing thats on my mind is studies.

STUDIES! Os are like less than a year!
OMG! i;m soooo scared. like totally. I;ve no motivation to study whatsoever.
TOTALLY NOTHING! STONNING ALL THE WAY. like I WANT TO STUDY BUT I CANT.
NO gan jue at all. totally. very irritating can! want to study but never study!
i want to study! although its HOLS like a lot of people all i know is studying or is going to study. GENE NEEDS TO STUDY! SO WORRYING ABOUT Os. ):

Next thing is DEATH.

fucking scary can ): I keep like hearing about cancer hear or cancer there. or super duper scary diseases.
like after my aunt's death (which i still have memories of her like constantly flowing in me, i keep crying yeah. i'm such a cry baby )': BUT OH WELL)
i have this like reaction towards death or namely cancer. its really freaks me out and breaks me down whenever i hear or see people having it. its just so cruel!
and like my sister (first one) is like so pale loooking- its really makes me scared.
DEATH! why do we have to die!
why cant we just like have this "die" button, when we wanna die, then die lor!
so bad! ):

YEAH AND TO EVERYONE I KNOW AND LOVE! I DONT WANT YOU TO DIE TOO! like another close relative or (friend) that dies i think i would really like break down.

i;m already like so wobbly, slowly picking myself up from the what i saw and heard about my aunt.

OH FREAK! tears are starting to come again, i just miss my AUNT SO MUCH. ILOVEYOU AYI! I STILL MISS YOU AND ALL THE BEST-EST TIMES WE SHARED! ):

omg..okay the third thing its FAMILY.
like i've been having relationship problems between me and my mother and sister.
its really irritating.
honestly.
cause my sister is this little girl WHO IS FUCKING NOT INNOCENT. where my mum is so FUCKING PROTECTIVE over her.
so i get into trouble becausea of that.
Arnt parents suppose to like love all? and not be bias. i really do like symapathise with all those first borns out there. we all should have a common thing I THINK. >.>
but anyway, like its really hard for me to keep my relationship like quarrels are so recent, we quarrel over the SLIGHTEST thing and she is like so particular about EVERY SINGLE THING. and she keeps like comparing me to a typical vision of what parents want their child to be. its so irritating. cant she like tell that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. i'm not the child she want and so like FACE IT B!TCH.
i guess because of all these competitions between my siblings and my parents.
it really stops everything! like communication and a lot of things. the reuslt is where when i be with them, i feel awkward! how sad is that! i just wish my ayi was here so i could really tell her everythign! ):
oh on a side note, i've no idea but why like all past memories are coming to me so much! like memories with my ayi and stuff like that, when i was really happy with my parents, do i desire that too much? past is past, but sometimes past could be fantasy. ahh...

Anyway, the forth thing would be freedom!
everyone wants freedom! i want freedom! oh yeah! so its like i cant really go out, or i've come to a point that i feel scared to tell my parents that i have camp or i'm going out because like response has always really like.. WHY!! YOU NEED STUDY YOU KNOW!!
its so fucking irritating.
pisses me off yeah
so i really like want to do everything with myself! I feel like SO MUCH BETTER doing things by myself and stuff like that. so i want them to be GONE. live in a house by myself! so much i yearn for that! haiz! so like my only escape to fantasy land is by reading books, blogging all my feelings out, going for outinngs, chattings and do my red cross stuff yeah. escaping from life! thats what i really need and want!

OHH...!!

I'M NOT sure what i want to say anymore! SHIT i cant remember LOL!
BUT YEAH
shall end here for now.
roughly that must be the things that really occupy a huge portion of my head currently thats why i really did blog about it.

IRRITATING YES IRRITATING! so much tension and no trust within my family and me.

><

alrighty byee!
but hell yeah i managed to blog this!
feel a TINY TINY LITTLE BIT BETTER (:

cant wait for tmr! going to sch and do red cross! LOL!

(:

i need to be with my SPASTIC BUDDY to feel and get my SPASTIC level HIGH again ):

I NEED OUTINGS AND LIKE EVERYTHING TO BE MY WAY! ):
than maybe i'll feel beter.

OH OH OH WELL ):